Tip #13 Lies and more rOCD lies

A ROCD brain is like Pinocchio. It likes to tell a lie here and then by sending false messages. The only difference is that it has no nose to grow and thus making it very difficult to spot the lies. Sometimes, we can see a nose growing when our anxiety increases…

Some of the ROCD brain’s favourite lies are:

“If I am attracted to other people, then I do not love my boyfriend/girlfriend” – Attraction is part of human nature. It is not like a switch that can be switched on and off. Choice is what makes us love our partners.

“If I find the right person, I will not feel anxiety anymore” – The anxiety is not caused by the other person. It is caused by how our brains interpret a possible danger.

“I always feel anxiety when I am around my boyfriend/girlfriend so there must be a problem with our relationship” – Same as above.

“I can’t feel anything anymore, this means I do not love her/him.” Feelings of infatuation will run its course over time. In addition, it is not unusual for people with high levels of anxiety to become emotionally drained or numb.

“Why can’t I feel that special feeling. Maybe this is not right anymore” – From experience, wanting to feel a certain way whenever something happens is not realistic. For example, the first kiss will not be the same as the tenth kiss as the excitement might be gone.

And much more

There is only one truth in all these lies. The brain wants to keep itself engaged with rumination and analysis. This will not solve the ROCD problem and will only make it worst over time. The only way to get better is to stop this cycle.

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24 comments

  1. I just wanted to say, you should really be proud of yourself for what you’re doing here. The comments on this site are quite small in number, but you are giving excellent advice on a difficult subject for no purpose other than the well-being of others. And you can’t get much better than that.

    1. Thanks for the kind words! I went through a very difficult period in my life with ROCD and I know how devastating it can be without the right support, encouragement and advice. If what I am doing helps in the slightest then I am more than happy to put the effort in!

      1. Thank you for doing this. I am in a bad spot with rocd as of now and it’s killing me. Any pointers you can give me?

      2. I would give the same pointers as previously. take the time each day to put effort into getting yourself better. All the other pointers are in the blog! 🙂

  2. Thank you for continuing this blog. It is really helping me to keep going. I like to remember certain phrases that you’ve posted, as they can bring me back during my intense anxieties. Thank you, you’re doing us a service, and are helping us (at least, you’re helping me very much.)

  3. Hi All,

    I’ve never written on a blog before so not sure that this is the best way to go about it, however, here goes!

    I think, (and indeed I hope) that I’m suffering from ROCD. I’ve been in a relationship for the last 2.5 years, and the 18 months have been really hard. At first I was obsessed with the thought that my boyfriend was going to break up with me, I analysed everything he said, I counted the number of kisses at the end of his texts, I found it difficult to believe him when he told me he loved me etc etc. It left me feeling incredibly panicked and unhappy.

    As it is though, I’m not really coping, I can still get out of bed and go to work etc but I can’t go on like this. I’ve lost about a stone this year and the other day I walked into some oncoming traffic without noticing that the lights had changed becuase I was so busy thinking. Help! What can I do?

    1. Awh, I soo know that feeling! Before this current strand of being terrified I don’t love him, I had anxiety that he didn’t love me, and also checked every little thing he did (like kisses, and how long we spent on the phone), and it drove me crazy!
      Good luck with it, bloody anxiety! xxx

  4. Wow this post right here is by far the most helpful thing i have read. I have a long distance relationship so i think this makes the rocd worse. For example i will be watching a show and be really into it then i realize omg i just forgot i even had a bf

    1. Yes. It is like a sudden realization that comes over you! And then starts the anxiety…again. But is the brain playing tricks on you. I am glad you have noticed that!

  5. Thank you so much for this blog, its helped me so much with my ROCD, discovering that that was what was wrong with me was such a relief…like it suddenly clicked. For the week or so after I discovered I had ROCD I actually felt miles better, I was great at just putting the thoughts down to ROCD, but the past few days they’ve come creeping back. I think I’m also struggling with depression which seems to have come back the past few days. Please can you help??

      1. Hi there

        This has helped me so much. I was wondering whether you could email me so I can talk to you as I have a few questions? I have suffered from ROCD for a few months now and I’m getting better but it’s devastated me. Thanks

  6. Hi Blip,

    Thanks to your blog i’ve discoverd what i’m suffering from (and i really hope). For 8 years i’m in relationship with a lovely girl. As any relationship nothing is perfect but i can say that i’ve found a girl wherewith i want to do my life. After few month in my relationship i’ve began to have some suffering thoughs. 8 years later i’m still with my lovely girlfriend, i still have some difficult moment but i put into words what i’m suffering from and I really want to get rid of this bug. Unfortunatelly sometimes, i’m still tricked and i fall into ruminations. I try to apply your tips but sometime it’s so difficult.

    1. Great post on rocd, I appreciate you taking time out of your day to write this. The rocd is really depressing me, I have had other ocd obsessions but this one really is hard for me to handle how long have you suffered from rocd? And is there any tips you have to help me out through this? I really appreciate it I feel hopeless

      1. Hi I started the blog to help people help themselves. The best tip I can give you is to take time each day to sort this disease out. All the remaining tips you will need you can find them in the blog. 🙂

  7. I’m totally going through a stage.. I was going through a stage of panicking because I was afraid I’d fall for someone else or started liking my boyfriend’s brother or friend.. Now that that’s over, my thing now is feeling extra superficial with my man and I’m not sure why because his looks has never posed a problem with me, but now.. I feel so uneasy and not because of his looks, it’s because of me feeling extremely bad by nitpicking. He’s actually a goodlooking man, but my ROCD is telling me I’m not attracted to him anymore and etc.. This is hell.

    1. oh my god Sarah !! I have the exact same problem except its gone reverse ! First I used to nitpick over his looks and obsess over one feature. When I’d go out I’d compare that feature of his to others (eg his pimples, scars,etc!). That went on for about 3 months, and now suddenly a thought popped into my head that i might be attracted to his brother. I am suddenly feeling v v anxious 😦

      1. ROCD is really taking a toll on me. I am not even sure if its ROCD, or if its real. because it feels so DAMN real. I know Ive had some kind of OCD thoughts before – about incest, homosexuality, harming others (something i’d never ever do). but again in this case, it is so hard to say.

        my wedding is in 2.5 months…and i feel more unstable than ever. my mind is 24/7 preoccupied over a particular feature of my fiance (his skin), and I keep wonderign whether I can live with that feature, whether I am attracted to him. Whether we will get divorced….whether I really like him and can respect him. The doubts are neverending. Its awful.

        I look at other men, and I fear being attracted to guys who are “better looking” than him. To be honest, I chose him for his qualities, and not for his looks. Its a long-term relationship – so something as superficial as his skin should not be decisive. But my mind wont register it, and will keep thinking about it constantly.

        Of course there are days when I find him very attractive. And overall I think he’s such a wonderful, loveable man. Treats me so well, and speaks to me so softly. I just dont understand why I am picking apart his looks. Do i really, secretly want someone who is better looking? Am I just in denial?

        These thoughts are driving me crazy, as they are so constant. 24/7. My mind wont switch off about it. Yes, I know he doesnt have good skin, i get it. Its the truth. But WHY do I have to start feeling anxiety about it? He’s not hideous or anything ! Besides, there are times that I just want to blurt out “i love you” to him – but only one thing is stopping me – whether I would be in fact lying to him. So i never say those words.

        Then there are some days (LIKE TODAY) when I just feel like its not worth it. I feel depleted, emotionally exhausted. My mind is running constantly. I cannot feel happy or excited.

        Ive tried: exercise, and some mindfulness. but to be honest its so hard. The thoughts feel real…I know he is lacking in the looks department….but why is that stopping me from enjoying the rest of him? Him as a whole person? He is intelligent, kind, hard working and keeps himself fit. Why cant i enjoy these aspects of him? why do i have to pick him apart on the one thing he has no control over. I hate myself for these thoughts. I just cant help it. My mind keeps going over it constantly.

  8. I wish I had seen this post earlier. I was in a 14 month relationship with a guy, six months in I started worrying frantically about whether or not I loved him, we broke up three years ago. fast forward 3 relationships later, and here I am with another guy who is absolutely perfect for me. However, the thoughts persist. I don’t want this relationship to end like my other one did, but I’m terrified.

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