One of the problems that many people face when dating or are in a relationship is that they are looking for the wrong type of love. The type of love that Hollywood sells. You meet “the ONE” and everything is perfect. You will never have any doubts for one second and everyone else in the world does not exist. Needless to say that this is part of the unrealistic expectations that other people and WE put on ourselves.
Have you ever wondered, how it would feel like to find “the ONE”? Maybe you think that because you feel the anxiety and question everything, then the person you are with is not “the ONE”…and that if you just meet “the ONE”, you will have no more anxiety and the questioning will stop.
Now ask yourself this question: “How many people have found “the ONE”, only to split up a few months later? Had a dream wedding and relationship only to be divorced soon after?” Yes, just look at any Hollywood tabloid paper…
So relying on a feeling of “rightness” to make a good choice is not the best strategy.Especially, when we know that people with OCD are driven by this feeling of something not being quite right. Remember that OCD person that washes their hands 50 times a day because something is just not right?
The cause of this is in our brains. That “not quite right” feeling or that something is wrong. The uneasiness that we cannot explain. The answer that we must constantly find and validate.Then in order to relieve this feeling we develop compulsions. Most common being the CHECKING compulsion. Checking your feelings constantly. The irony here is that the more you check the less you will feel. The more you pay attention to the nagging the more nagging you will get. It is like an hunger that can never be satisfied. I guess that is why there is an “O” that stands for obsession in ROCD.
Once you learn to let go of control, things will start to get better.So, there is two parts in getting better:
- Learn to mindfully ignore this nagging feeling which in turn will decrease over time
- Transform your relationship from “feelings” based to a value based relationship