Be more optimistic (Guest post)

*This was not written by me. This is a guest post.*

Hi, my name is Brandon and I have been suffering from ROCD for just over a year now. I have been with my amazing partner for a year and two months, but unfortunately most of this time has been spent on worrying about my relationship. Sure, ROCD is hell, but I know for a fact that if it wasn’t for the ROCD then my relationship would not have lasted this long. Why? Because ROCD (and any illness as a matter of fact!) always has its positive sides.

Now you’re probably thinking that I’m a mad man for what I have just said. “How can ROCD be good!?” You may ask. But think about it, once you have finally beaten this disease imagine how happy you and your partner will be together. You have gotten through the one disease that has the most chance of splitting you apart, and now you are happily living the rest of your lives together knowing that your relationship is so precious and strong that even your “own” thoughts and feelings could not come between you. (I say “own” because they are not really your real thoughts.)

I am a ROCD sufferer. And going through my ROCD journey was one of the most difficult and confusing periods of my life. I have started this blog as an attempt to help all those that are going through their ROCD journeys. And like me in the past, find it very difficult to find happiness and joy in everyday living. I am glad to say, that today, ROCD does not control me anymore and I live a very happy life with my beautiful wife.
I would like to focus this blog on finding ways to moving forward instead of getting trapped in our own thinking (which caused ROCD in the first place!).

Doesn’t that sound similar to what I have just said? This is from the very first article that was posted on this blog.

I know that most of you read this only took in the part that mentions about sadness and struggling to be happy, but now, if you have read the advice and tips on this blog, it is time to stop the self-pity and stop feeling sorry for ourselves. I know this disease is hard to live with and I know that right now you feel as if nothing will ever be the same again, but if we don’t start being more optimistic about things then we will never improve. There is hope, and you WILL get through this, but for now you’ve just got to try your best to be as happy as you can.


  1. It’s nice to see my post on here :). Thanks again for allowing me to contribute to such an amazing and helpful blog!

    1. Brandon I have been suffering for 4 years .I am so in love with my husband x rOCD hurts ,that’s what makes this such a cruel condition . My husband is so supportive and I look at him some days,and feel so guilty about the way I think x x Its soul destroying .I am doing so well and I know I am in recovery how do I finally let go and enjoy !!

      1. If you have seeked medical help and therapy, my best advice is to develop a daily mindfulness practice. Try not to engage with your thoughts and stop wishing for things to be different. Be happy in the present.

  2. Hi there,

    I just stumbled upon your blog. I just want to say,”THANK GOD”. I have been having
    very intense ROCD symptoms with the love of my life of 3 years. This battle is anything but easy, I struggle a lot trying to find a solution to my very wrong “truths” I tell myself. I have reached my limit, and I am going to pursue therapy. I read something in your blog that made me cry. You said something like, “Imagine how happy you will be with your partner when you are not worrying and free”. That is my goal and so so happy to see others fighting this battle to just simply, love the one you love. Thank you for giving people like us hope, helps a lot.

    1. Yes, this was actually a guest post from another sufferer not me. But he is 100% right. The goal is to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.

  3. i have also being searching for some answers to my obsessive thinking both in an intimate relationship and with always in a fight or flight mode which can be very stressful.i can honestly say ive been like this all my life with variuos people along the line from father to friends in teenage years to boyfriends in later life and am constantly finding faults in myself as to why i may not be lovable or why someone would want to be with is extremely difficult and i rarely feel true happiness and peace of mind.when im good im really good but when those obsessive thought creep in and are at there worse im miserable.nobody has a clue how bad this really is…i ve never really got to know myself im so preoccupied with other people all the definitely going to follow this blog but as for positivity and light at the end of the tunnel stuff its hard

  4. I am not a sufferer but my boyfriend appears to be, however he will not acknowledge it existance. He suffers from servere ocd and most common types of mental health which, for 18 months, we have battled through. Our relationship is wonderful, we are so in love and people envy our contentment. However, every few weeks my boyfriend will take a tiny argument and turn it into a major fault in our relationship. He totally cuts me off, bar the odd text. It normally lasts a few days and then he asks for reassurance that we are ok and that I’m not mad and he comes back. The few days are hell for me 😦 I have to hope he realises our relationship is very good and he still loves me. I understand what he must be going through and I am always supportive (more than most people can believe) but at the same time I’m hurting deeply. I know he loves me, he’s perfect in my eyes, I can’t ever see me thinking differently and I want him forever. At times like this, when we are apart I wish I knew what to say or do to make him come back…….. I don’t want rocd to ruin what we have, not just for my sake but for his as its not his fault and I fear if it does he may not find someone to support him as much as I do. Any advice or support would help … Pls x

    1. Hi, one thing that is important to consider is that sometimes by helping “too much” we might be enabling behaviours that are not appropriate. With OCD people, this is particular true if we do not know how to interact with them.

      Here is my advice and I suffer from OCD as well:

      1) Define clear boundaries in the relationship and what is acceptable and not acceptable. You are not a ping-pong ball. He needs to understand how you feel and respect your feelings.
      2) Understand that you can only encourage them and not change them
      3) Your first concern in the relationship is you. Not your partner. This is a common misconception. If you are not well, you cannot improve the relationship.And as you have found out, if he is not well then things will not be good. So his first concern in the relationship should be himself. And then you.
      4) If he suffers from high anxiety and tries to take some of the stress off on you, you should leave the situation. By staying, it will only reinforce the cycle. Coming back easily and straightway will also reinforce the cycle. If there not any consequences attached to his actions then everything will be OK in his mind.

      Maybe this is the opposite that you would like to hear but it is what he needs. If he is not capable at this stage of knowing right from wrong then you should help him see this by your own boundaries. Until he understands that he might have a problem he will never seek help. Just talking with him will not be enough. And remember that you need to keep your sanity too.

      1. Noo appreciated very much. I just need to hear it from someone else, its hard to take my own advice as I DO know right from wrong. I probably do help too much but the ocd is becoming almost non-exsitant and I’ve backed off.
        At the moment we are back together, I took sections of advice on here and other sites and tried thinking in his shoes, a simple text or 2 snapped him out of it. So thanks for blogs 🙂
        Whilst we are very good again I am going to try and establish these boundries we need, hope I can stick to it eeeekkk.

        The most important thing I have finally realised from the research is that, suffers of rocd need to have time apart with little contact to allow them to get away from ‘thought’ pressure. We have agreed he will sleep home every other week and we can both relax.
        If any1 wants to chat, if ur in my position or my bf’s, I’d be excited to hear from you x

  5. Thanks, I’m at a really low point and have just been diagnosed with rocd. Have photocoped this to carry with me when I need it x

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