Introductions

imagesHi everyone,

It has been a busy couple of weeks but I am now back writing some posts. I have noticed that many more people have joined the blog subscription roll since I moved it to a .com domain. And many more people are e-mailing me asking similar questions. I will always reply to any emails, even though it might take me some time to do it due to the large number of people emailing me and work and family commitments.

Having said that, I would like to give out some general pointers that will be useful if you want to move forward:

1-  Take responsibility

It is your responsibility to look for ways to get better. Giving this responsibility to someone is not going to work. There are no miracle answers when it comes to rOCD. Just hard work. There are a lot of resources on this blog that will help start with this.

2- Take action

At a certain point you will have to stop thinking and start doing. Seeking for medical advice is a very good start. Seeking for a therapist can sometimes be tricky but it will be very useful. If you can’t afford any of these,  look into mindfulness practice. However, this is not a substitute for professional intervention.

3- You have to find the answers for yourself 

Many people tell me their story and ask me if I think it is rOCD or just “falling  out love”. My experience is that this is something that does not help very much. If I say it is rOCD, there will always going to be “what if’s” this and that. So I kind of stopped answering this question and just try to help people help themselves. A word of caution on this one – most often there is nothing wrong with the relationship but the problem lies with your own anxiety. If you want some clarity of mind, you will have to “fix” your anxiety first.

4- If you want to get better

If you really want to get better do not treat rOCD like flu or measles. That it will go away by itself. From all the people that I have spoken with so far there are always good periods where rOCD appears to disappear but it eventually comes back. You will have to commit yourself to daily change if you really want to see some progress. It is hard to retrain yourself and your brain in the beginning, but it will get a lot easier if you persist.

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9 comments

  1. Hi Blip,

    I found your blog a few months ago and I admitted that it was a great relief for me.

    For 8 years, I am with a lovely girlfriend. Prior to this relationship, I was confronted with ruminations about different subjects (homosexuality, bipolarity, knives, …). All his ruminations have now disappeared to make way for ROCD (worst of all).

    During these eight years, I have had several episodes of anxiety followed by long months of rumination … And finally I always go out but I still do not know how …

    On several occasions, I was so afraid of not loving my girlfriend I felt like it was real. Each time, the anguish and discomfort faded and I could live normally. However, when I am confronted with the question “Are you in love?”, I feel a lot of anxiety. I really do not want to lose my lovely girlfriend.

    At this moment, I am very anxious at the idea of ​​no longer love my girlfriend. I know I’ve experienced this in the past and I’m out but every time I’m trapped and I’m so afraid that this is not rOCD.

    During the month of May and June, I ruminate a lot. But last month, I felt really good. At the moment I feel I’m doing me trapped again by the ruminations. At first, I try to apply the techniques of your blog but I finally could not resist the need to reassure me.

    I tried to reassure me by showing me that I was really in love last month. Unfortunately, I know very well that this reinsurance does not work. I often feel like crying … is that it is the anxiety that causes it?

    I currently follow a cognitive-behavioral therapy. I hope this will help me overcome this. I really do not want to lose my honey even if my thoughts trying to prove me wrong. This is not what I want!

    When i feel me bad, it’s so difficult to apply your strategies…I don’t know where to start…

    Thanks for your blog.

    Quentin

  2. Hi Blip,

    I am so grateful for this blog. I have serious rOCD and never knew. However, my situation never dealt with a serious relationship and ended 2 years ago but I still ruminate over it. Most of the posts seem to deal with current relationships but I want to be cured of rOCD so I never have to deal with it again. Can I email you?

    1. Hi Teresa, feel free to email me. Unfortunately, I do not have the cure for rOCD. And I don’t think that anyone else has either…but you can learn to live happily with it.

  3. Great blog. I struggle with these thoughts for about a year. Eventhough I still have setbacks my view of this kind of anxiety is getting stronger. I’m from Holland and find your blog very helpfull. \What also helped me is dr Claire Weekes and her book ‘Essential Help for your Nerves’. It’s an Australian doctor who’s not alive anymore but is still so inspiring. Really recommend this to all of you. She writes about anxiety disorder and obsessions and he treatmeant is: FACE, ACCEPT, FLOAT, LET TIME PASS. I think its like mindfullness, wich also helped me so much. What I like about dr Claire Weeks is that she writes about all kinds of anxiety and how it all works together. You really should read this all!!!!

  4. Hi dear , thanks for your great effort and blog , i have a problem , and i wanted to know if its rOCD or not (i already have OCD for 2 years) . im not always happy when im with my girlfriend , i always think “what if she was more beautiful? ” , “what if she was more smart?” , “what if she hadn’t said that word” , and hundreds of this questions , what should i do ? is she the right one for me ? maybe she’s ok but im extreme perfectionist !!!

  5. Hi Bruno. Just wanted to say that your blog has inspired me through my rOCD journey a lot and I also have started to write some. Thanks for your wise posts. They were there when i needed strength and hope the most

  6. Hi all, I read many replys and it’s crazy to see how many people suffer from those disturbing thoughts! It sure helps alot to realize that you’re not alone… I have a boyfrend for almost 9 years now, and all this time I had those obssisive douts, althow his the second half of me and our connection is special and strong, I love him more then life and his my best freind. those thoughts makes me very anxtioוs and depressed. i start to question if he is the one for me and to examin his every word, looks, my attration to him and so and so…those exams create like an imeginary distance between us , i saddenly feel like it’s strange that he’s my boyfreind (after 9 years…) and i feel like i don’t really connected to him in a romantic level, like he’s only my good freind and no more. (it’s like i devide him to 2 diferent parts, like he’s 2 different pepole that i connetc to on a different levels) can anyone relate to this feeling of distance?!

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