Hello everyone. We have a “new” website – relationshipocd.com where we have been developing more blog content and other resources . We also wanted a more mindful approach to the website. Simplicity was one of the guiding principles.
Feel free to send some comments our way. Please also note that content creation on this website you are reading now has stopped…it was a great start but due to limited functionality we had to change!
Take good care and enjoy life!
Living with rOCD is very difficult. But it becomes easier over time if we adopt the right behaviours, mindsets and attitudes. We also should hang on to whatever positive things we have in our lives – our faith, friends, hope, etc. I am glad that I made the decision to stick it out, look for help and above all, take the necessary steps to change – stop thinking and start acting. Today, I can say that I am a rich person (not in monetary terms!). I love my wife very much and last Friday, I was blessed with a little boy. My personal belief is that if I can do it, everyone can do it…
So, I will be winding down on the blog to take care of my family. Next time you will hear from me, it will be about an rOCD book that I have been working on. This is the tentative structure:
Part A – Understanding ROCD
Part B -Q&A – based on questions that I get from different people
Part C – Common errors and misconceptions
Part D – recommended resources
If you would like me to address specific issues please leave a note below!
It has been a busy couple of weeks but I am now back writing some posts. I have noticed that many more people have joined the blog subscription roll since I moved it to a .com domain. And many more people are e-mailing me asking similar questions. I will always reply to any emails, even though it might take me some time to do it due to the large number of people emailing me and work and family commitments.
Having said that, I would like to give out some general pointers that will be useful if you want to move forward:
1- Take responsibility
It is your responsibility to look for ways to get better. Giving this responsibility to someone is not going to work. There are no miracle answers when it comes to rOCD. Just hard work. There are a lot of resources on this blog that will help start with this.
2- Take action
At a certain point you will have to stop thinking and start doing. Seeking for medical advice is a very good start. Seeking for a therapist can sometimes be tricky but it will be very useful. If you can’t afford any of these, look into mindfulness practice. However, this is not a substitute for professional intervention.
3- You have to find the answers for yourself
Many people tell me their story and ask me if I think it is rOCD or just “falling out love”. My experience is that this is something that does not help very much. If I say it is rOCD, there will always going to be “what if’s” this and that. So I kind of stopped answering this question and just try to help people help themselves. A word of caution on this one – most often there is nothing wrong with the relationship but the problem lies with your own anxiety. If you want some clarity of mind, you will have to “fix” your anxiety first.
4- If you want to get better
If you really want to get better do not treat rOCD like flu or measles. That it will go away by itself. From all the people that I have spoken with so far there are always good periods where rOCD appears to disappear but it eventually comes back. You will have to commit yourself to daily change if you really want to see some progress. It is hard to retrain yourself and your brain in the beginning, but it will get a lot easier if you persist.
As you might have seen by now, the face of the blog has changed. I am trying to follow up on some requests from people that have been emailing me about the structure of the blog and other add-0ns that might help people to better navigate the blog.Some changes:
-I have bought the domain relationshipocd.com for a year, which should make the blog easier to find for newcomers.
-I am in the process of splitting the posts into different categories – this should make posts easier to find
– and creating a 8 week program based on some of the posts. This will NOT cure your rOCD but should help you gain a better structure in your life for recovery to happen. Again, I stress recovery not cure (I have covered the why’s in another post).
– There is a recent comments box where you can share your views as well on the discussions there are currently taking place. Please do share your positive experiences that are enabling you to move forward. Some people have appreciated this very much.
– There is a page view counter at the end of the right hand column. The reason why is there is to remind everyone that there are lot of other people in the world struggling with the same problem!
– I am still reorganising the structure, so some posts might actually be harder to find until I finish the project!
This is just a quick update to all of those people that subscribed to this blog.
1) As you have noticed, there have been some changes to the blog’s theme. The reason for this is that I had an email from one of you mentioning that the posts are hard to navigate. I am trying something different and would like your feedback. I will be trying different things to see what works best.
2) I have started writing a book about ROCD with all my experiences and hopefully I will have it ready by the end of the year.
3) I am going to be a father to a baby boy for the first time at the end of August (I am sharing the picture that my wife posted today on her Facebook page). We are both very happy and excited! That would have never ever crossed my mind during my worst ROCD period. So there is hope for everyone! I had to fight anxiety, depression and OCD at the same time. And I imagine that a lot of you are in that same place too.
4) I understand that a lot of you are still struggling finding the right support and navigating through the tons of information available. I am going to make myself available on Skype after work if you would like to ask questions about my experience. Drop me a line here if you are interested – firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t worry about videoing – we can talk using the voice chat facility.
OK. This is not really a post…I just wanted to share something with you all. I started this blog in the Autumn of 2012. I did very little to promote it, other than posting a couple of links on some boards.
I have been corresponding with people all over the world and I would say that ROCD is a worldwide problem. There are a lot more page views from English speaking countries (as a first or second language) for obvious reasons: because the blog is written in English! And the less obvious reasons is that people are more aware of psychological issues.
So here it goes: We are definitely not alone. Even inside our own countries!
p.s. the numbers represent page views not unique visitors diagnosed with ROCD! 😉 22/3/2013
I have decided to make this the last tip post on this blog. I might still post some challenges and links to interesting articles. I am doing this for a couple of reasons:
a) I am trying to focus on putting all the tips together and write a book (as suggested by some people)
b) I believe that the all the necessary information for people to get better from ROCD is already available on the blog
c) I do not want the blog to feed into compulsions – for a long period of time I searched different forums and internet blogs to find that “perfect” answer or advice to get better without really doing something about it. I was looking for a magic cure
d) One tip that you apply is a million times better than a 1000 tips that you read
e) I am very mindful of information paralysis (you can google this one) – the same as going to the supermarket to buy something and it takes twice the time to decide what you want because there are very similar options on display.
f) This is not a blog like others where you have to produce content all the time to keep visitors coming back to the blog. I am a great believer in simplicity and action in an age of information overload.
I will still be available to be contacted by email and help anyone that needs help.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 13,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 3 Film Festivals
Click here to see the complete report.