First of all, I would like to congratulate all of those who have made some improvement in regards to their rOCD. I have been getting a lot of e-mails lately about people that apply some of the principles in this blog and to a lesser or bigger extent have moved a little bit forward. This motivates me to keep on running this blog.
This blog is not meant to give all the answers to rOCD questions but to share some principles that will help people in their rOCD journey. I do not have all the answers or principles either. But I can see when wrong principles are being applied.I receive a lot of e-mails from people around the world and I spent on most days 1-2 hours everyday answering people’s questions or doing Skype with them. A common theme seems to be reoccurring though.
This common theme is that of spending a lot of time online trying to solve the “rOCD riddle” – people do two things:
No.1 Googling symptoms such as “do I really love my partner” “how to know that you have fallen out of love” etc etc
No.2 Sharing their personal experiences in forums or Facebook groups, “trading spikes” e.g. “this what makes me spike and what about you?”, cross-matching symptoms, etc, etc.
Treating rOCD like a card game where you trade Pokemons (spikes, symptoms) or expecting Google to sort them out. Like there is a magic answer. There is no magic answer. There are only two things in these places – people trying to push their own Hollywood philosophy of what love is (most of these people giving advice are relationship “experts”) and other rOCD sufferers looking for reassurance.
The only thing worst than this for your recovery is rumination – Negative behaviour #1.
I can see the benefit of getting together with other rOCD sufferers and sharing coping strategies, positive behaviours and positive experiences with OCD treatments. If you are going to share something share positive things.Use the 1/99 rule. Spend 1% of the time talking about the problem and 99% of the time talking about solutions. Don’t feed your own reassurance monster or other people’s reassurance monster. You are better off doing a mindfulness exercise in the 20 minutes that you spend doing this.
Like I said in the beginning. I do not have all the answers but I do have the answer for this one. This is definitely something that you should NOT do.