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I am me. rOCD is a little tiny portion of my life because I will not let it define me and I do not let it bother me. I acknowledge its presence but I do not pay much attention to it. This blog is for all rOCD sufferers that would like to move forward and hopefully will help them take their first steps to recovery.
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I am a rOCD sufferer. And going through my rOCD journey was one of the most difficult and confusing periods of my life. I have started this blog as an attempt to help all those that are going through their rOCD journeys. And like me in the past, find it very difficult to find happiness and joy in everyday living. I am glad to say, that today, rOCD does not control me anymore and I live a very happy life with my beautiful wife.
I would like to focus this blog on finding ways to moving forward instead of getting trapped in our own thinking (which caused rOCD in the first place!).
relationship OCD: 
Thanks Roosa! It was very hard for me but I am a lot better. Plenty of more stuff on the blog to come! Hopefully, we will have you moving forward!
Just wanted to say THANK YOU for this blog, it is really helpful and well written. I have been struggling for 7 months now but thanks to therapy and medication and sites like these I have made progress.
Hi Lancashire, thanks for the kind words. I am glad that you managed to snap out of “thinking mode” into “action mode”. Good luck in your recovery!
Thanks a lot for this wonderful site…It’s very helpful…after a long time searching about my “problem” I found this and I feel much comforted now…
Thanks and have a good X-mas!
Thanks Chloe. Drop me a line anytime if you have any specific questions or comments on how to improve this blog…
Hi there! May I say what a great site this is, the advice you give us clearly and compassionately written. I have suffered from ROCD since late 2007, it was several agonising months before I found any answers. I have my ‘well’ periods where the rocd seems to be a horrible but distant memory, and my agonising periods , numbness, doubts, anxiety. I have come to realise lately that even when I am well l am living in a status quo state, the things that make me spike normally don’t have the same impact, but im aware that it may not last. Of all the treatments I have researched or tried mindfullness meditation seems to hold the most promise. I would be most intrigued to read more and correspond with you.
Sorry I forgot to enable notifications!
Thanks for the kind comments. Yes, I do believe in mindfulness attitude as a way of life. Once you become better at it you are more equipped to ride the waves of anxiety. And above all is trying to be comfortable with the uncomfortable and accepting that you will have good and bad days like every human being on this planet. The only difference is that our focus is much more on the relationship…hence the “O” in ROCD! Feel free to drop me a line anytime.
I wanted to say that this blog is great, a few months ago I researched this and couldn’t find anything new or personal online. I also fear the fact that this isn’t classified as a real disorder makes it hard for people to believe they have it. That being said, I researched this because my partner has OCD and when we were having problems they were not right, and typical in all the ways you describe your feelings. I approached him on this subject only to be dismissed, I told him that I wouldn’t leave and I understand this could get hard but I truly believed he had this… We separated and are trying to work things out He left me because he didn’t love me as much as I love him and I didn’t make him happy… A few months later he wants to work things out and within a week he was questioning his decision again… I am reading this blog thinking this is him how can I help him! But then get soo frustrated because its overwhelming and it’s really up to him to realize his OCD got worse and now has affected us. I want to help him I truly love him, this is very hard on me because he does make up false imperfections and can not let go of a bad mood I was in. Looking for some guidance, thank you.
Hi there
ROCD is a real disorder – check this out. http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd – the problem is that people think that in order to get better from ROCD they need to sort out the relationship. The thing that they need to really sort out is their OCD. OCD can mutate into a lot of different themes – relationships, paedophilia fears, religious fears, homossexual, etc. The underlying disease is OCD, the theme is secondary. I really admire people like you that support their partners. But you cannot do his own work for him as you have realised. Your best bet is to try and motivate him to learn a bit more about ROCD and see what he thinks about it and if he wants to look for help.
Hi,
like everyone esle here, I just wanted to tell you, Blip, that your blog is really well documented and full of great tips that will certainly help people like us to deal with their ROCD.
I’ve been suffering from ROCD for about a year and a half now and during my two years relationship, I’ve spent more time with the thoughts than without them. That’s so difficult to cope with, but reading posts like yours and everyonelse’s is a kind of light in the dark tunnel I feel trapped in. I haven’t read all the posts yet as I just discovered the blog, but I will take the time to do this.
I fond it very hard to live with this kind of OCD, moreover when it’s not a common OCD theme, that is, it’s rarely understood by people around us.
So thank you for all the content of this blog and for the feeling of understanding that you bring to ROCD sufferers.
Thanks for your words and remember that is positive action that changes things.
Thanks for your words and remember that is positive action that changes things.
dear yellstar,
u are in exactly the same position as i was 6months ago. this was until i discovered rocd existed. i have done endless research and studied my partner to try and make his life and our relationship easier. fortunatly i now know how he feels during a bad spell of rocd, this has helped my ‘feelings’ emensly. i loved your blog and i sympathise totally. i woukd love to chat and maybe i can give you ideas of what to look out for when it begins, what to do during and how to help yourself as well as them xx
Not again- I could really use some tips how can we make this happen? Things have been really difficult lately and I have been holding on hoping to help as best I can.
Hi
I need some help.
Almost 4 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 years walked out and left me, he just came home from work and said he had to leave. He’d been away the week before to Italy to a friend’s wedding (we couldn’t afford for us both to go) He just kept saying that he hadn’t missed me as much as he thought he would when he was away and that that must mean something and he needed space, he said he loved me so much but he didn’t know what was wrong with his head.. 2 days before he went away he was begging me not to dump him which i had no intention of doing as we were so happy and solid. I thought we were forever. A week later he told me it was because he couldn’t deal with the kids (mine from an earlier marraige) although he was very active and good with them. Another week later he told me he hadn’t been happy for 2 months which i knew wasn’t true he’s been so happy since we got to together. From the very beginning it was him who pursued me he was relentless which was very flattering, we got together and we were so happy. He constantly throughout our time together asked me not to leave him and i always reassured him that nothing could be further from my mind. To all our friends and family he was happy and settled and everybody is in complete shock that he’s gone. His parents came to see meand were so upset his Dad said we were soul mates and he doesn’t know what’s happenes, he’d just been to their house and cried for 2 hours telling his parents how much he loved me. A friend who i went to for support put the idea of his OCD being a factor, i never (nor did his family) thought his OCD was a problem, it was something we lived with and accepted. He’s very tidy, everything has to be put in straight lines, he rings the bank everyday to check his account and drives to the cash till to get a mini statement every other day, he gets fixated with things and thinks or talks about them constantly before he moves onto the next thing.He overthinks things constantly as he works alone and at times he can convince himself that things that aren’t true are!! I looked at OCD on the internet and came across ROCD which when i read about it gave me a ‘light bulb’ moment. So many things i’ve read are spot on with him. I’d like somebody who lives with ROCD or their partner to let me know what they think, do you think he could be suffering from ROCD or am i clutching at straws? I am desperate for advice.
Rocd is likely because of his OCD past and ruminations. please direct him to the blog and see if he can relate to any of that. We can also have a chat on skype if you want.
Thanks for your reply Blip. I’m working on getting him to look at ROCD and trying to get him to see that it is ‘real’. It’s really hard because he now has it stuck in his head that he’s not been happy, when i remind him of all the happy things we’ve done together and how he showed me and everybody else how happy he was he just says he was ‘trying’ which is heart breaking.
Thank you so much for this blog. I feel so much relief and peace reading it… I felt so alone and now I know I’m not. I am hoping to write a guest post someday as I am in the middle of my recovery process. Talk to you again soon! 🙂
Thanks for the kind words. Hope all goes well!
I really appreciate your blog. I’ve went through this before and am going through it again now. It physically and mentally drains me to the point where I want to cease to exist. Knowing that I’m not alone in my thoughts and fears has helped me greatly. I am waiting in help at the moment and I’m determined not to give up and throw away something that I know is worth fighting for. Thanks.
Hi,
I wanted to thank you for creating this blog. Most of the information you provide I have read or heard about through OCD websites and books but also through CBT therapy sessions.
Moreover, your blog is helpful because I have learned a bunch of new approaches, techniques and perspectives you give that apply mostly to rOCD sufferers. Every tip you provide I copy into my phone, this way I can remember and use it when I need to.
I have been practicing compulsions and self destructive behaviors for about 10 years now. This past year I came to realize I have rOCD for the first time in my life. Every time I read your blog I recognize my behaviors instantly. It is truly amazing for me. I wish to recover from this illness because I want to start a family in a couple of years with my current partner.
Please keep posting more tips. I now know there is hope.
Kenia
Hello there, I wanted to ask you a question. I didn’t know where to put it. So… I know for 99% I have rOCD. I constantly doubted if I loved him etc, but my focus wentto this to: What if i fall in love with someone else (and then especially one person, who i see everyday). This person is a friend, not even that. And i know that I don’t like him. When i’m with my boyfriend the thoughts go away. When i see the other boy i just want to run away. I don’t want to see him. I’m going crazy!! Why can’t I just stop thinking about the other person? And by thijking so much about him, i’m thinking; if I think so muhbabout him I must be falling in love with him.
that is the perfect example of distorted thinking in rOCD. The paradox is that because you don’t want to think about something you will think more about it!
Thanks! How can I stop thinking about it? Do you maybr have any tips?
I’m the exact situation in that I fear of falling in love with someone else. I have this fear with specific people in which I get so anxious that I actually start to feel pleasure feelings around them. However it has really been the worst around this guy. It all started when I heard there were two new guys auditioning for the music group I’m in at university.After hearing that one of them was an international student like myself, and after being intrigued at the idea of meeting another foreigner a bad thought popped in saying “oh you’re going to fall in love with him because you’re attracted to exotic people” and I freaked out And from the moment I saw him it was immediate anxiety that was so strong I thought that I was actually developin a crush and had a silent panic attack.
I’ve had urges about getting to know him but it was more of an attempt at exposure therapy than anything else (I hope)! I thought knowing him would lessen my anxiety but it didn’t. And now it has gotten worse than ever since he went on this retreat our music group had recently. I constantly felt like I actually had pleasure when I was around him and actually had thoughts like “oh he’s so cool”, “he’s so charming”, stuff that I think about when it comes to my boyfriend!! I even noticed certain traits that he had that my bf also has! I even felt like I was speaking to my bf everytime I was talking to him (it was horrible!!)! I also felt urges to be with him!
I can’t even tell whether those feelings were just fear or pleasure. I only feel like this when he shows up or when I see pics of him on fb. I would rather not be near him! And in the back of my mind I think this is more anxiety related than anything to do with genuine attraction, but even when I was around him and felt nothing, everytime I noticed this a bad thought would pop up saying ” you can act normal around a crush as well, this proves nothing”! I’ve had similar situations with other guys but because I already knew them before the OCD I could easily snap out of it! However this guy is only associated with OCD because I spiked when I first saw him. I only went to that retreat to face my fears and not let the OCD disable me, but now my feelings for my bf are so numb that it’s not even funny!
I’ve heard that people with HOCD and POCD suffer from similar “fake attractions” where they’ll actually get real arousal, get urges to masturbate and fantisize about the same-sex (or opposite sex) or children and even fell like they are attracted to certain people! I wonder if this applies to ROCD sufferers as well!
Thank you so much for this blog!!! I have been so lost for 2 years now, but I’m not letting this ruin my life or my relationship. I am going to start mindfulness, and I’m already on my way to find a new therapist 🙂 Thanks, thanks so much. You have no idea how wonderful your blog is.
Hi there,
I’ve been struggling for 4 years, and I’m feeling very lost. I’m married to a wonderful man who I love more than life but I struggle with a few things. His looks and I fear I’m going to leave him. Have you ever met anyone who obsessed over those two aspects, and if so, how to you overcome?
Thanks for all of this content! I’m reading your book now 🙂
Almost everyone I met obsessed about it, at one point or the other. If it wasn’t that to keep you busy it would be something else…
What wonderful reminder. Thanks!
Hi, I bought your book and find it very helpful, so thank you a lot! I have one thing that is worrying me a lot tho. You mention in your book that a professional should make the diagnosis about OCD. I went to see psychiatrist but in her opinion this wasn’t OCD although she admitted that my thoughts are obsessive… I am now really confused because I myself find that all the rOCD symptoms fit me exactly. This really took away a lot of hope from me in a way and now I feel really puzzled if I should believe her or not. Have you had or heard similar experience and what is your opinion? My real therapist on the other hand seems to understand and take me seriously. Thank you again for your help!
Hi there – thanks for the kind comments! In regards to your experience:
1) Psychiatrists use the DSM manual to diagnose psychiatric disorders.
2) Some psychiatrists rely on it more than others and there is still a lot of discussion about “properly” diagnosing mental disorders. http://www.nhs.uk/news/2013/08august/Pages/controversy-mental-health-diagnosis-and-treatment-dsm5.aspx
3)Some psychiatrists do not like to label conditions, others do and some have extensive experience of OCD and others don’t.
4) Some prefer psychoanalysis over other treatment methods.
4) With all these in mind, you would have to ask your psychiatrists why she does not believe you have OCD.
During your time with ROCD, did you or someone else you know suffered with extreme preoccupation with your wife’s attractiveness? where you may feel that i am not attracted but finds attractive all toher women outside. So if i am not attracted to her i am not happy and that needs to be there, that she needs to be beautiful and i need to feel lust toward her and turned on when i look at her, ….or something in the same line? or would this be something else like perfectionism, BDD OCD
Yes, a lot of the people that I speak with go through a stage like this. But the truth is that if it is not this it will be something else…
Is it possible to email you? I see in some of your posts you do reply to emails, but can’t find it on your blog? Thanks 🙂
sure – pingfrance@hotmail.com
Hello, I am so glad I found your website! I have been on and off therapy for the past year and am now at my worst. It is really affecting my relationship and I really feel bad for my wife and think that she deserves better. We have also been on and off due to this. I have just started on St. John’s Wort but really think I need to find a psychologist again. It seems like you have come a long way. Is there a way to email you? I have subscribed to your blog. The anxiety is a living nightmare and I wouldn’t wish it upon a worst enemy if I had one!. It is causing me to walk out of jobs and destroy my daily life. I would love to hear some direct advice but will read your website often from now on.
Hello there! I’m a 21 year old female, and I’ve been suffering with rocd(and the depression that comes with it) for the past 8 months. I just really wanted to say I’m soooo happy I found this blog! Reading the stories and comments of other rocd sufferers, has helped me through the darkest times. It gave me hope that I can overcome this and be happy!!! To all the people out there suffering, you can do it! I know it’s very difficult to believe you can(you doubt you have rocd in the first place) but indeed you can win this battle with yourself! And think that when you win this, you will be happy with your partner, and not even your own thoughts/ feelings can tear your relationship apart!!!! I’m still suffering, but with professional help and this blog I’m doing much better now. To the creator of this blog, thank you sooo much for creating this, it has saved my relationship many times. 🙂
Tears of relief are pricking at my eyes to find this blog & to be reassured by it. I can relate to so much of what you & other followers are saying. I had what I believe was a form of OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) through the latter part of school & college where I was preoccupied with perfectionism. Another little known disorder on the OCD spectrum. I couldn’t complete a single piece of coursework, throwing it away if I crossed a t & it wasn’t parallel to the page or my dot wasn’t directly above an i, plus many other things that I knew were completely ridiculous, counter-productive & inhibitive but I felt compelled to do them. I just couldn’t not! Education was a nightmare & I elected not to go to Uni for fear I couldn’t cope.
I found myself in a long term 10 year relationship with a person I married in our 9th year together. This life change, coupled with stress, contibuted to a nervous breakdown soon after marrying & during my recovery my husband left me. He quickly took up with a woman he was suspected of having an affair with while I was ill. The truth of this I will never know, but they are now married with a baby. She was older than me & already had 3 children; so a real kick in the teeth.
Anyhow, I’ve been with a special someone new now for the past 3 years but the OCD has been like a parasite throughout, manifesting itself as a preoccuption with my relationship. Moving in together, getting engaged, significant seasonal events, baby talk all cause spikes & panic attacks. Do I love him? Am I attratced to him? How do I know? I could go on as you well know!!! If I hear about a couple who’ve broken up, known personally or maybe only known of, celebrity even, this causes a spike.
But at other times I feel happier and more fulfilled than I have ever done & people see it in me. My partner is unwaivering in his support & love for me, despite all my wibbles.
So to read this & know to be reassured there is hope for recovery, gives me strength & encouragement. And it helps me to accept myself as I am & my realtionship as it is. Perfectly imperfect.
This blog is the most helpful I’ve found in regard to ROCD. I am currently in my 3rd year of dealing with the disorder. I would love to share my story with you Blip.
Sure – drop me a line anytime.
Hello! I am so happy to have found this blog! I have been battling with rumination and negative thoughts for a long time but they became stronger when I met my current boyfriend. Everything that has been described by various people here is what I have experienced and it is so reassuring because it means I am not crazy! I am having a tough time because I spent a while working on many other issues with a therapist but now she thinks we are ‘stuck’ because the negative thoughts about the relationship keep popping up and it seems like I cannot move past them. It’s hard to know what’s real and what is not because one minute I feel all those warm feelings tumbling down inside me towards my boyfriend and then a minute later I question whether I even fancy him, it’s very tiring.
I will be reading more of the posts on this blog which hopefully will provide some relief.
Thank you again, A.