The purpose of this blog is to help you find the tools to overcome the problems caused by rOCD. I changed the design of the blog so that you can “come in and out” rather than read it from one end to the other. There is no particular order in the way that tips are numbered.
The best way to start would be to:
1-Read the introductory posts
2-Figure out where you are in your rOCD journey – you can use Tip #7 as a reference
——–Disclaimer——-
This blog is based on my experience and journey through rOCD. I am not a psychologist, psychotherapist or medical professional. If you find that anything here contradicts professional advice given to you, then please discard what have you found on this blog.
I know as well that a lot of people do not have access or cannot afford psychological and medical care. It is even more true for people who suffer from rOCD as there are not many professional that heard about it. And that is why this blog exists. To raise awareness and to help rOCD sufferers find a glimmer of hope.
relationship OCD: 
I found out about ROCD a few months ago. In the beginning I didn’t think I was doubting like some if I truly had the disorder. Now, despite all evidence, I question it sometimes. I have always been fully aware of my OCD, I just never realized it could affect me like this. I would appreciate any advice you could give. A couple questions come up already. Reassurance seems to be bad, but does that mean I should avoid thinking of her? Avoid thinking of why I love her? Also, at one point is it no longer helpful to read these blogs?
Hi Will, the best way to put it is “how a normal behaviour from a normal person would be like”? – We will define someone normal as someone without ROCD and happy in their relationship. This is where most problems start. For someone with ROCD, someone that is normal never has any thoughts about the relationship or very few therefore their relationship is not right. If you were in a “normal” relationship would you stop thinking about your partner? Most likely not. Would you spend hours on end trying to measure your feelings and understand if the relationship is right? Most likely not. It is not helpful reading these blogs when the blogs are not providing or giving you an indication of a long term solution. People spend a lot of time talking about problems without trying to fix them. But this is just half of the answer. The other half is people not committing themselves to try and improve their mental health daily. You can have very helpful advice in a blog but if you don’t practice what you read this will only be a short term fix. Remember it is more important to fix the “O” than to fix the “R”. 😉
That makes sense. It does seem to give me temporary relief when I talk about it, but I’m trying to stop relying on that. I’ve been practicing mindfulness lately, and it did make me less anxious, but I’m worried I’ll ignore all thoughts instead of only intrusive ones, and become detached from the relationship or other things. Also, something that has been really bothering me is physical attraction. I didn’t see it really talked about here or many other places. I have always thought of her as beautiful, but now I will focus on flaws. As we become closer, I notice more and more of them. I don’t want to care, I want to love her for them, I think I do. So I accept my thoughts, but it frustrates me that it has become difficult for me to see her as beautiful without questioning it. Sometimes, I just want to admire how beautiful she is.
Hi Will,
Worrying is one of the components of anxiety. Mindfulness is not supposed to switch off all your thoughts but decrease your anxious response to the ROCD ones. Can you see how our brains always trying to find a reason to worry? 🙂 I guess that mindfulness is improving your ROCD…Physical attraction is a big one in ROCD, because you want to find your partner attractive to confirm your feelings and as a form of substantiating the relationship. The thing is that more you force yourself to this the more you are aware of the other person’s imperfections…so funny enough once you stop doing this things get better!
Thanks for sharing
Finding this blog has given me so much peace today, after a weekend of extreme rumination. I have known that I suffer from OCD thinking patterns, anxiety and depression for over 10 years but could never put a name to the incessant obsessional thoughts about my (amazing) partner. I never even knew rOCD existed. To read this blog is like reading my own thoughts – it was extremely surreal but at the same time extremely reassuring. I am going home to my fiancee with a newfound resolve to work at this every day. I’d love to share my story at some point in time. Thanks, RLG.
I have suffered from OCD since the age of 8( I am 22 now) But as I have gotten older it has manifested into rOCD. I feel like I will never be in a normal relationship because I am constantly asking myself “what if” I have to find constant reassurance that the relationship I am in is right for me. I constantly find myself picking out negatives instead of focusing on all the positive. I am constantly worried about what others think about my relationship. I have never met a guy who has treated me so well. But it scares me because I am not used to it. It’s been giving me panic attacks and this worries me because I should be happy. My mind is constantly running and it is so exhausting. I started looking on the web because I find it as a form of reassurance that there are others that feel the way I do. I stumbled across this blog and it feels really nice to know that others feel the same. I just wish I could find some sort of relief because somedays I feel I might explode.
The best way forward is mindfulness. You should try it!
i think this blog is a saving grace for me. so many people don’t understand this disease and it can destroy a relationship which is what I am trying to prevent from happening yet once again. please continue to give and post feedback and things that have helped . it is something I need to pray more about but sometimes extremely waiting on the emotions. thank you for all the help!
hello i have rocd , and i need some help , how i can get the book love you , love you not … i am from israel ??
Hi, you just need to go the book page that I have created here = http://relationshipocd.com/buy-the-rocd-book/
I am so glad I found this site. I have had OCD tendencies and suffered anxiety for as long as I can remember (i’m 34 now). I didn’t know rocd even existed until I began searching the internet for help into why I was feeling the way I was in an almost perfect relationship. He is everything I could hope for and I know I love him, yet I sit here now feeling that I dont love him and that i dont want him in my life. Even though losing him would be the worst thing to happen, I have an overwhelming desire for it to be over. The anxiety I’m feeling is sky high. I just wish I had the answers…..
I would ask this through, is there anyone who speaks Finnish?
In English it is difficult to talk about this stuff …
Kysyisin tämän kautta, onko täällä ketään suomea puhuvaa?
Englanniksi on hankala keskustella näistä jutuista…
Hi – I was typing out a similar question until I saw this! You’re not alone! I’ve suffered with rOCD my whole life and have recently met someone who I felt and knew was “the one” (something I thought I would genuinely never feel) until the bad thoughts crept in recently, and I too have been scouring the web for answers and help. You do love him. My advice to you, what’s worked for me in the past, is just try and relax. rOCD has a urgent tendency I’ve found that everything must be done straight away but if you tell your brain, everything is okay and that you’re in no rush – things will slow down and eventually you will find yourself on a calmer less irrational level! Hope this helps! I hate reading peoples comments and knowing what they are going through jholdensmusic@gmail.com give me an email if you ever need someone to talk to 🙂 hope this helps!
I am in the same boat! It went from feeling so amazed and comforted by the fact that thing that were so right and that I had that “you just know” and he’s “the one” to a few months later suddenly being sucked back into this panic and round and round cycle of doubt/searching for an answer. So annoying!
I have been reading many of the blog posts. I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with OCD. I have always had pretty bad anxiety since I was a child, likely was OCD but was never diagnosed until my mid 20s. I can relate to many of the posts. I am wondering is ROCD or relationship related obsessions have to be accompanied by various other OCD themes or issues, in order to actually be OCD? This seems to be the only theme that really really sticks and keeps nagging. Which obviously then had me going round and round if this is actually all true or there’s something in me that is telling me this really isn’t the right relationship. I had this all throughout my last 6 year relationship. When that ended I thought, ok…maybe it wasn’t ROCD and I just wasn’t supposed to be with him. But I really did love that person and think it could have been fine if other trust issues weren’t there. It seems to be a pattern. The ROCD thoughts seem to suddenly start 4-6 months in once the initial excitement and honeymoon stage starts to taper off and we start to become really close and have a deeper connection.
Hi there.. I believe I have been struggling with rOCD.. About six months ago, I had a thought that came out of nowhere. (Even though an hour before the thought hit me, i was fine) It said “what if you dont love your boyfriend anymore?”… From then on, I started to question everything, pick apart my boyfriend’s looks, analyze the tones of his voice, ask myself questions over and over and over again regarding my feelings, everytime I would see him or kiss him, i would see if i felt a certain way, and spend hours googling trying to find what was wrong with our relationship. I am so scared to tell any of my friends because I am afraid they will tell me that if I am questioning it that I shouldnt be with him. Let me tell you, He has been with me and supporting me through this entire thing. He is the most supportive, kindest, most caring, loving boyfriend any girl could ever have. I know inside of me that I love him.. But i cant stop my mind from analyzing it all. Heres the thing though, I cant afford therapy so I have been searching and searching for alternatives. I have tried meditation but only a couple of times.. I am scared it wont really work.. I am scared that therapy is the only option and that I am not going to get through this.. Any advice as to what I can do? It would be appreciated!!
Hi katelyn
I had to respond to your post! It read it and it hit me like i was talking myself. About 11 years ago i was happily in love and that same thought hit me as well. It took me a very long time to understand what was happening to me and unfortunately i broke up with my bf. I had therapy and meds back than but no docter had a clue what was going on so unfortunately i struggled for a very long time without knowing what was wrong. Avoiding any new relationship for many years until i met my current bf and it all started again and worse than ever. Now after ocd therapy, meds and a lot of self help i am nearly over it. So please seek help and know that you love your bf! Your mind is just playing tricks and it scares you but you have to know that you can be cured but therapy is neccesary and do not be scared or ashamed. Embrase the help on the way to recovery.
Good luck girl
Hi there! I’m an 22 year old female. I’ve been diagnosed with rocd and depression 7 months ago. I now believe I’ve had ocd all my life, I just didn’t recognize it. I’m with a great guy 1 1/2 year and just out of nowhere a thought popped in my head, “oh you don’t feel that excited with him today, what happened? Are you still in love with him?” And after this thought I’ve been questioning everything and picking on his flaws, and it’s driving me nuts!!!! I’ve been on medication, as depression hit me too and couldn’t function. I’m now almost 3 months on my meds and most of the time I feel happier, calm and very grateful I have my boyfriend. I also don’t think too much when I’m around him and enjoy our time together. But, this week has been hell… again. (My doc upped my dose and I hope that’s the reason.) I’ve been thinking I don’t wanna see him or text him and that maybe I want him as a friend in my life and maybe I’m not sexualy attracted to him. And maybe i should find someone else. This is so stupid but I find it really hard to distinguish if it’s my true feelings or this ocd. It’s also my first ever relationship, and this is also one of my anxiety spikes. I was so in love with him for 15 months (6 months before we were together) and we had amazing conversations and fun and we still have. But I’m starting to fear these thoughts are real and the meds have kicked in and cleared the situation. But I don’t wanna lose him!!!I love him so much! The last 2 weeks have been amazing with him. He is extremely supportive all this time and loves me so much… I don’t want to hurt him. Will this ever stop? Will I ever be happy with him? 😦
It will definitely get better – if you adopt the right principles and behaviours for managing OCD.
Wow. This has been so enlightening for me. I don’t have OCD, but I’m pretty sure my boyfriend does. The doubts started happening for him 4 months in–after we got serious, decided to really commit to each other, and became really close. He had told me all along that he adored me, was really attracted to me, and that this was the kind of relationship he had always wanted to be in. He was very intentional about our relationship and was trying to control the pace as to not “muck it up.” Told me that he loved how he could be himself around me and relax, because he had struggled with anxiety throughout his life. Anyway, 4 months in, all of sudden it seemed he had an anxiety spike and started questioning everything. He said he felt numb and thought maybe he was depressed. Told me that he was questioning if I was just a good friend, or if he had romantic chemistry with me afterall–and that he couldn’t sort out his feelings. Then he panicked and told me that he didn’t think he could be in a relationship right now since he wasn’t 100% sure if I was “the one”, he had doubts about his feelings, and he couldn’t handle the uncertainty. I was so hurt and shocked and angry at first because it was SO ILLOGICAL compared to everything our relationship had been to date. He told me that he deeply cares about me, admires me, wants to be in my life etc–but that it was agonizing for him to determine if he had romantic chemistry with me or not and he couldn’t figure it out.
I somehow learned about rOCD, and I came across this blog, and I feel heaps better. Also, his father has OCD, and I’m pretty sure now that he does too.